“OMG, you’ve never been to Disneyland?! It’s literally the most magical place on Earth.” —California proverb
Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed
According to literally everybody on planet Earth, it's apparently impossible for two people to make it to 24 years of age without ever having been to the most magical place on Earth.
In fact, whenever you tell a person you've never been to Disneyland, they go through at least seven different stages of stunning disbelief before telling you that you have to — no, listen: YOU. HAVE. TO. — get in a car and drive to Disneyland immediately, because every second you waste not being at Disneyland is apparently crushing your soul into tiny bits of magic-less oblivion. And then their eyes glaze over and their body begins to shake in the throes of a nostalgic fit and you have no choice but to appease them by saying that fine, yes, all right, you'll GO, just calm down for the love of god.
Mere hours later, you find yourself in a car bound for the magical land of Disney, and there's no going back. You're going to Disneyland for the first time, as a grown-ass adult, and there's nothing you can do about it.
And this is what you learn:
Disneyland is a cult and you are their newest recruit.
There's a certain narcotic effect that Disneyland has upon humans under the age of 18 that leaves the lasting impression that everything that happened there was somehow “fun” and “magical” and “not at all terrifying or awful.” Whenever you so much as mention the name of Disney around someone who belongs to this cult — that is, someone who went there as a kid — they will inevitably respond with any variation of one, and only one, sentence, every single time: “OH MY GOD, I FUCKING LOVE DISNEYLAND.”
We get it, OK?! YOU LOVE DISNEYLAND AND YOU WANT US TO JOIN YOUR CRAZY DISNEY TRIBE. WELL, WE'RE HERE NOW, OK?! ARE YOU HAPPY?!
They give you a “first-timer” badge to officially mark you as a lesser human.
If you're a child at Disneyland with a “first-timer” button, it's fine, because you're a kid and everybody expects you to be wearing one. If you're a child at Disneyland without a “first-timer” button, good for you, you should feel great and successful, because you're probably here for, like, the thousandth time. But if you're an ADULT wearing a “first-timer” button, you are officially designated as “less accomplished than almost every other child around you.” Actual children look DOWN on you as you walk past them, and the worst part is… they enjoy it. They enjoy looking down on you and your shitty adultness. They are superior and they know it.
Macey J. Foronda / BuzzFeed
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